The New Guy I’m Dating Is Almost Perfect, But I Can’t Keep Seeing Him Because He’s Poor
Sarah has been talking to a guy online for awhile who is cute and sweet and she really liked. But when they tried to go on an actual date, she realized that he is poor. He has an old beat up car and couldn’t afford to pay for her dinner. Is Sarah a bad person for not going on another date with him, just because he’s poor?
Here’s Sarah’s Call About Whether It’s Ok To Break Up With Someone Because He’s Poor
Jonathan: Jonathan and Ayla doing panic button, And today for the panic button we have Sarah. Hey, Sarah.
Sarah: Hi
Jonathan: I hope I make enough money for us to continue this conversation. I know I don’t. I work in radio. So Sarah, what is your problem? You were dating a guy or went on a date with a guy and then decided to ghost him when you found out something very surprising about him. What’s going on?
Danielle: Jonathan. Don’t set her up like that. We’ve gotta hear her.
Sarah: Well, so we’ve been talking for a little while. We’ve been dating for a little bit, but you know it was online. And so we haven’t really met in person yet. And the first time we met up, he pulls up in front of my house and I go outside. And he’s driving kind of an old car. I mean, like 2003. So you know it was pretty old. Like a like a Mitsubishi. And you know, when I got in the fabric on the roof was kind of falling apart.
Speaker Oof.
Jonathan: You’re basically describing a car. I drove up until four years ago.
Danielle: This sounds familiar.
Sarah: It just didn’t give a great first impression
Jonathan: Yeah.
Sarah:
He took me to this restaurant, and I don’t want to say the name of it, but it was OK. But the weirdest part was we were sitting down and eating. He was suggesting the cheapest items on the menu, like heavily suggesting and steering me toward them. And then at the end of our date, he insisted on splitting the bill.
Jonathan: So wait, he suggested you get cheap stuff on the menu and then still split the bill?
Danielle: He wanted you just pay for it.
Jonathan: Split the bill.
Sarah: Yeah.
Danielle: OK, maybe he high hopes that if she got something cheap, he could cover it and then realized he couldn’t. Then I’m just trying to get him a little bonus here. No blooming onion for you.
Jonathan: He couldn’t. Yeah, he was literally flipping through his wallet as she’s ordering the food.
Sarah: Yeah
Jonathan: OK. So what happened?
Sarah: Well, I kind of decided there that it wasn’t going to work out. Because I mean he’s a really nice guy and he’s sweet and he’s really cute. But I just want someone who can financially provide for themselves so that I don’t have to, or ideally would even be able to, help. You know, we’d be able to help each other and support each other.
Jonathan: So you’re assuming he’s poor. Based on all this information.
Sarah: Yeah, I mean. That’s the conclusion I came to and I just don’t want to end up having to pay for myself and someone else to live.
Jonathan: There’s a difference between poor and thrifty. I mean, I could understand if a guy on a first date is like I don’t wanna spend a ton of money.
Danielle: I don’t think that car is thrifty.
Jonathan: What if he’s a millionaire and he’s secretly testing you? The Celtics coach, Joe Mazzulla, drives a 1997 something or other because he says the fear of it breaking down makes him show up early for everything.
Danielle: He’s the one guy. Stop.
Jonathan: So maybe that maybe that’s what this guy’s doing.
Danielle: OK, I like that.
Jonathan: Maybe he’s setting you up. He’s just seeing if you really love him.
Sarah: Umm, I don’t know. I feel like there’s a difference between a thrifty or even a classy old car. And I mean this thing felt like it was falling apart.
Jonathan: Alright, So what do you guys think? Is it OK to not pursue a relationship with somebody that you admit is cute, funny, seems like a really nice guy.
Danielle: Engaging.
Jonathan: But he’s poor. Is that a good enough reason to not date somebody, or are you a bad person? If you decide to not date them based on the fact that they’re poor? Sarah, thank you so much.
Danielle: Thank you.
Sarah: Thanks.
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