I Left Poop On A Friend’s Bathroom Towel And Now He Won’t Speak To Me
Jacob got too drunk to drive home and crashed at his buddy’s place for the night. He needed to use the bathroom but couldn’t find any toilet paper. Being drunk, he decided to use a towel and he doesn’t remember what he did with it. His friend has not answered any calls or texts since. How should Jacob approach his friend to see how upset he is? Is soiling a towel a reason to end a friendship?
Here’s Jacob’s Phone Call About His Poop Problem
Jonathan: Danielle, today for panic button we have Jacob. And Jacob has a bit of a problem. I don’t know how to get into this sensitively, but he left a bit of a problem in his friend’s bathroom. What happened there, Jacob?
Danielle: OK.
Jacob: Well, this is so embarrassing. But I just need to run it by somebody to find out. I was out with some friends the other night, three of us. We went out and we got pretty wasted and I did the responsible thing and I didn’t drive home. I crashed at my friend’s place.
Danielle: OK.
Jacob: And in the middle of the night, I woke up. I had to go to the bathroom. Poop. And I kind of had an accident, if you will. It was just not a clean and simple kind of thing. But there was no toilet paper. I couldn’t find any toilet paper. I don’t know. Maybe there was and I was too drunk, but I mean, normally it would be right there. There was no toilet paper.
Jonathan: Usually, if you’re at somebody’s house and you can’t find toilet paper, it’s always underneath. I don’t know why, but that’s always where most people keep it.
Danielle: That’s where you keep it. Yeah, sure.
Jacob: I don’t know. I’m sure maybe I’d looked. But anyway, the bottom line is I used the towel that was there.
Jonathan: Oh wait, hold on. What color towel was it?
Jacob: And well it was a light colored towel.
Danielle: White.
Jacob: It was. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Danielle: OK, no hiding that.
Jacob: And I might have left it in the shower, but I’m not sure.
Jonathan: Wait, why was it in the shower?
Jacob: You know, you can’t just throw it in the toilet. But I’m now going to leave it on the floor.
Jonathan: Were you trying to clean it off? The poop?
Jacob: I don’t know.
Jonathan: Or just hide it or rinse it or something like that.
Jacob: Yeah, just get rid of the evidence. The poop.
Danielle: This is so awkward.
Jonathan: Yeah, yeah. Right. Right.
Jacob: So, I’m not really sure what kind of condition anything was in. But I mean, even if I did try to wash it off, it’s still going to be disgusting. So anyway, I haven’t heard anything from my friend since. And we’ve known each other for a really long time.
Jonathan: Mm-hmm.
Jacob: And I don’t know if this is what’s going on.
Jonathan: So wait, have you tried texting him?
Jacob: Yeah, no answer, no answer. Yeah, no.
Danielle: No, this is very awkward. I feel awkward for you.
Jacob: Yeah. I mean, how do you just call somebody and say, hey….did I do this? I don’t know. Is that is a reason to end a friendship.
Jonathan: Is that a good reason to end a friendship?
Danielle: I mean, I would never let you forget for the rest of your life but I wouldn’t end the friendship. Yeah, I actually probably would apologize for not having accessible toilet paper.
Jonathan: I think if a friend of mine did this, first of all my wife would be disgusted. Never let them back in the house. That would probably be what would happen, but I would become closer friends with them.
Danielle: Yes.
Jonathan: Because I would feel bad for them that that they’re so embarrassed, probably, But also that I can make fun of them. I guess now that I can make fun of them for the rest of their life.
Jacob: Yeah. Yeah. I would be like Danielle. I would just like to hold it over your head forever. Like you would owe me forever.
Jonathan: Yeah. And you think that he would do that, but it’s gotta be something else. He’s not getting back to you. And he normally does. Is he normally good about getting back on text?
Jacob: I don’t know. Yeah.
Jonathan: Jacob’s problem is that he was at a friend’s house. They got really drunk, did the responsible thing and decided to sleep there instead of driving home, and he had an accident in the middle of the night. He couldn’t find toilet paper and used the towel. He may have even, not sure, but may have left the towel in the shower when he tried to rinse it off. So he tried. And now his friend isn’t getting back to him. Would this be enough for you to not talk to a friend anymore? Would this be enough to end a friendship over?
Danielle: Hmm.
Jonathan: Right now, Jacob. Thanks so much and good luck.
Jacob: Thanks.
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