Jackson Blue

Weekdays 2pm-7pm

There are great brand mascots – hi Jolly Green Giant and Kool-Aid Man – and then there’s the seedy, less-glamorous, and much less beloved brand mascots. We’re going to focus on Group B here. These are without a doubt, no bones about it, the 15 worst brand mascots ever ranked. Let’s count them down from 15 to 1, each mascot will get progressively more horrid. PS – This is absolutely not a reflection on any of the products or companies represented. I love most of the companies here – but even great companies can make very bad decisions.

  • #15 - The Charmin Bears

    I’ll admit, I don’t hate the bears. They actually dance to some pretty catchy contemporary-sounding songs about toilet paper. But if I have to look at another one of those bears showing off remnants of used toilet paper shredded all over their butt, I’ll gag (again). We get it. You have fur. It can be a problem while trying to wipe. We don’t need to see it. Sheesh.

  • #14 - Dos Equis' Most Interesting Man In the World

    I’m sorry. This guy doesn’t look too interesting to me. And why is he always hanging out with multiple women who seem to be infatuated with him even though they’re 40-something years younger than him? It’s creepy.

  • #13 - Travelocity's Roaming Gnome

    Long shots of an inanimate gnome who is somehow speaking to us without moving – well – anything? Did I just become a mind-reader or have I just completely lost it. And we’re taking travel advice from a garden gnome now? Oh boy.

  • #12 - Arby's Oven Mitt

    Why was this Arby’s mascot? Am I supposed to wear an oven mitt to eat a roast beef sandwich? No. Oh I know! It’s because the oven mitt kind of, sort of resembled the tall-boy cowboy hat that’s in Arby’s logo. But just kind of, sort of. So let’s make it our terrible mascot!

  • #11 - Twitter's Fail Whale

    Our website/app is sucking. Here’s a picture of a whale. Infuriating.

  • #10 - Jack In the Box's Super Creepy Mascot

    He’s supposed to seem like your everyday best friend. He’s supposed to be funny. He is neither. He’s an average human with some weird head slapped on like a mismatched Lego character. I have had nightmares about this freakazoid. I’d get a restraining order if I could.

  • #9 - The Gerber Baby

    I’ve always thought this was creepy. It’s just an actual baby! But even worse – it’s a portrait of some random baby. This should be on mom and dad’s wall, hung with pride. It makes me feel like I’m in some family’s house who I’ve never met before. Why am I here??

  • #8 - Mr. Six Flags

    This guy made me hate that song.

  • #7 - Chuck E. Cheese

    Here’s a great idea – let’s have a rat as a mascot for a food place! What’s cleaner: the rat or the balls in the ball pit? Barf.

  • #6 - Country Crock's Hands

    These hands weren’t attached to any body. And they sounded like they were always hosting an awful podcast. And they were selling margarine. You have no mouths, why do you love margarine so much?!?

  • #5 - Jared Fogel from Subway

    Ummm… no comment.

  • #4 - The King (Burger King)

    This was so absurd. Let’s scare the bejeezus out of people until they buy our burgers. Torture will make them huuunnnggrrryyyyy.

  • #3 - Spongmonkeys (Quiznos)

    Speaking of absurd, when did Quiznos start putting magic mushrooms in their subs?

  • #2 - Flo from Progressive Insurance

    America fell in love with Flo. Progressive caught wind of this. So…. more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo, more Flo. Now she’s very irritating.

  • #1 - Mr. Mucus (Mucinex)

    This mascot is a phlegm ball. Good night.