I’m no angel. Recently I went into a chain liqour store and got a 5th of Vodka, a diet Coke and a shotglass. It was a Friday night. I was looking forward to relaxing with a little drink and a diet coke chaser. BUT the problem is I left without paying for the shot glass!!! I’m a shoplifter!
I Shoplifted
Did I intend to steal it? To be a shoplifter? No of course not. See officer, what had happened was, I picked it off the shelf. I went to the cashier, a kindly old gentleman that reminded me of your grandpa. He scanned it. I left. When I got to my car I noticed that the cost of everything I had bought was less than I expected. That’s when I checked the receipt. That’s when I almost swallowed my tongue. Turns out the cashier DIDN’T scan the shot glass. I hadn’t been charged for it at all.
What Could I Do?
My mind raced! Should I go back into the store and explain what happened? Would they even believe me? Or worse if they did believe me would they then fire the kindly old man who rang me up? Was his family depending on this job? Would I cause an entire family in Middlesex County to be destitute just to clear my conscience? My God what was I to do?
So I drove out of the parking lot and headed home. I resolved that (unless I was SURE it would make a good talk topic on air) I would never tell a soul about my ill-gotten shot glass.
Of course because it does make for a good topic on air we talked about it on my morning show Country Morning’s With Jonathan and Ayla. The audience was, surprisingly, on my side. Some people argued that the store charging $10 for a shot glass was thievery in and of itself and I was just playing the role of Robin Hood. Some people argued that if I wanted to make amends I should just donate to a Girl Scout group. Some people considered it stealing, but argued that I wasn’t going to go to hell for it.
Still the glass sits there. 
the stoic face of my Libertarian Anti-Hero staring into my soul, scowling at me. He knows what I did. “Jonathan”, he’s saying in his whiskey soaked dead-pan voice, “I could understand stealing from the government. But from a capitalist enterprise? How could you?! SHOPLIFTER!!!” Despite what the shot glass says, I regret EVERYTHING.
Anyway to make me feel slightly better here is a list of 6 Celebrities shoplifters! Why? Because nothing is better than finding out rich and beautiful people are just as screwed up morally as you!
Hugh Jackman
Yes even Wolverine has stolen. Hugh admitted in an interview with Rolling Stone about 23 years ago that when he was younger he used to shoplift. What would Professor X say?
Winona Ryder
Probably the test case for celebrity shoplifters. Winona Ryder was caught on camera stealing $5k worth of merch from Saks 5th Avenue. Did she not have enough money? Was she just seeking thrills? Regardless the judge sentenced her to 400+ hours of community service and 3 years probation.
Lindsay Lohan
Honestly, it’s hard to believe that the girl from The Parent Trap could do anything wrong. In 2008 she was sentenced for stealing a $2800 necklace. She was sentenced to 120 hours in jail but got it reduced to community service. And that was the last we heard of here getting into trouble with the law.
James Franco
Franco said in an interivew with People Magazine: “By the time I got to high school I didn’t have a ‘thing, so I ended up just getting into a lot of trouble. Like in 8th grade we started stealing cologne. We had like thirty bottles of cologne each in our lockers at school and then we could sell cologne at the dances.”
Ke$ha
Prior to the release of “Tik Tok,” Kesha was extremely poor. She would steal food from dollar stores in order to eat, and sell clothes on the street to make money for food. Once her quirky pop hit was released, it quickly flew to a number one spot in the charts, and she became a millionaire over night.
Britney Spears
Brit allegedly stole a wig from the Hustler store in Hollywood after being denied the opportunity to try on a pair of underwear. Spears proceeded to remove her own undergarments and try on a pair of “Barely Legal” panties in the middle of the store. After being forced to pay for the tampered-with garment, Britney paid with a credit card and swiped a wig off of a mannequin upon heading out of the store.
SEPTEMBER 2001 – Surrounded by her friendly bodyguards, Britney Spears left Australia for L.A with a little fluffy toy. Britney was down-under for the promotion of her latest single “Slave 4 U”. (Photo by Patrick Riviere/Getty Images)
