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Does Ben Affleck hate Boston?

By Ayla Brown
Does this look like a guy who hates Boston?

Hello, my name is Jonathan Wier. You may know me as the chuckling sarcastic doofus on the morning show here on Country 1025. You may also know me as the hay-seed country mouse that came to this fair city from the corn-liqour soaked flatlands of the midwest.

Whenever I tell people that I moved to Boston from some fly over state they always look at me with a knowing and condescending grin. “So how do you like life in the BIG city?” They’ll ask. “Is it scary living here?” they’ll query. “Do you think that cars are some kind of magic powered mobile jail cell with people trapped inside by an evil wizard?” they’ll inquire.

To answer: No. No. And that would explain why people are so god-awful at driving here but, NO!

The irony is Boston is a lot less scary than where I am from in the Midwest. See, I grew up in the most violent crime-ridden city in the country (St. Louis). In fact I grew up on the outskirts of East St. Louis which was up until recently the murder capital of NORTH AMERICA. (Take THAT Tijuana!). I grew up in the city that I think Ben Affleck thinks Boston is, or he wants it to be.

I’m not scared to live in Boston. Boston is safe. Boston is actually the least threatening city I have ever lived in.

Ben Affleck however thinks it’s the Upside Down from Stranger Things with a Dunks on every corner. This is despite the fact that we have shown him nothing but support and praise no matter what is happening in his personal life.

Here are three examples to prove my point.

  • 3. The Town

    Ben directed this movie and it’s not too far into “The Town” before Jon Hamm an FBI agent says this line: “Three hundred and seventy bank robberies in Boston last year. More per capita than anywhere else in the world.”

    I’m a nerd so I did the math. There are around 150 banks in Boston. That means that according to this movie EVERY SINGLE BANK IN BOSTON GETS ROBBED MORE THAN TWICE A YEAR!

    It’s obviously not true. In fact Boston and Massachusetts in general don’t even rank in the top 10 for cities/states for bank robberies in 2022 or when this movie came out in 2010.

    On top of that have you ever been in a hurry in Boston? The streets here would give Mr. Rogers road rage. How are there so many criminals having high speed getaways when it takes me 2 1/2 hours to get from TD Garden to Logan?

  • 2. Gone Baby Gone

    A movie that Ben Affleck directed and which starred his brother Casey. It’s a movie about a woman who hires a private detective to search for her abducted daughter because the Boston PD can’t be trusted. It then becomes a story of hopelessness, innocence lost and tragedy the likes of which you would expect from a city like East Moline Illinois, not Boston. (Seriously go to East Moline and tell me I’m wrong).

     

     

  • 1. Good Will Hunting

    (LANGUAGE WARNING)
    AGAIN BEN AFFLECK WHY?! In this movie Boston is such a teeming pit of mediocrity that Affleck literally threatens to kill Matt Damon if he decides to raise a family here.

    (Also I get this movie was made in 1997 but why were the Patriots catching strays in this scene too? They went to the Super Bowl THAT YEAR.)

    Now, unlike the previous two picks Ben didn’t direct this movie. Gus Van Sant did. However, he did write it. Which may be worse.

In conclusion Ben Affleck a man who this city has shown nothing but love hates Boston. Not only shouldn’t you raise a family here, but if you do they’ll probably be abducted during one of the hourly bank robbieries that plague us.

Having said that these are all GREAT MOVIES and I have watched every single one of them three or four times. Which is better than I can say about the only movie that seems positive about Boston:

Ugh…

P.S.  If Ben would like to respond to this article he’s more than welcome to. My number is 888-819-1025 and my office hours are 5:30am to 9:00am every weekday. I’m willing to listen to any argument you have about artistic license and suspension of disbelief. I’m also willing to ignore all of that and just thank you for not setting Gigli here.

Jonathan Wier is the host of Jonathan Wier and Ayla Brown, The Morning Show on Country 102.5. You can hear him every day from 5:30am to 9:00am!
Ben Affleck who hates Boston will still be playing Batman in the DCU movies according to Jason Mamoa

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