Is Maine Really A New England State?
Does Maine Belong In New England? Greetings, New Englanders! Recently, I, a curious newcomer from a far-off place (a barren wasteland of large mammals and lakes called The Midwest), made…
Does Maine Belong In New England?
Greetings, New Englanders! Recently, I, a curious newcomer from a far-off place (a barren wasteland of large mammals and lakes called The Midwest), made a grievous error. In my last blog post—I somehow omitted the great state of Maine from a list of New England states. The outcry was immediate and intense. And so, a question of existential importance arose: Why did I forget Maine? Is Maine the least New England of all New England states? And if not...
Which State Is The Least New England State?
As someone who is basically an alien that crash-landed here in 2019, I have been keenly observing the peculiarities that make New England...well, New England. The goal of this post is to determine if Maine should be booted out of New England. And if Maine stays, which state should get the geographical boot instead? Why? Because 5 is a better number than 6. It’s just easier for a smooth-brained flat-stater like me to remember.
Let's look at what smart people say
In his amazing book American Nations Colin Woodard says that what makes New England (or as he refers to it more broadly "Yankeedom") is that people here: “value education, intellectual achievement, communal empowerment, and citizen participation in government as a shield against tyranny. Yankees are comfortable with government regulation. The area was settled by radical Calvinists.” Which is great! But that was 300-400 years ago and honestly a lot has changed since then. We don’t wear hats with buckles or hang people for witchcraft. We drink iced coffee and wear shorts in December which might not be much better.
So what makes a New England State in 2024? Here is my criteria. Does Maine pass the test?
The Amount of Dunkin Donuts Per Person
The Amount of Colleges Per Person
How Harsh Are The Winters
Does The State Have an Identity?
So without further ado, here is a ranking of all of the New England States. Will Maine be allowed to stay in the Calvinist brotherhood?
Colleges Per Capita
(Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images)| Rank | State | Number of Colleges | Number of People | 1 College For Every |
| 1 | Vermont | 17 | 643,000 | 37,823 people |
| 2 | New Hampshire | 25 | 1,366,000 | 54,640 people |
| 3 | Massachusetts | 114 | 6,893,000 | 60,474 people |
| 4 | Maine | 21 | 1,345,000 | 64,048 people |
| 5 | Connecticut | 44 | 3,565,000 | 81,023 people |
| 6 | Rhode Island | 12 | 1,057,000 | 88,083 people |
Dunkin Donuts Per Capita
(Photo by Tim Boyle/Getty Images)| Rank | State | Number of Dunks | Population | 1 Dunkin For Every |
| 1 | Rhode Island | 210 | 1,057,000 | 5033 People |
| 2 | New Hampshire | 240 | 1,366,000 | 5691 People |
| 3 | Massachusetts | 1,150 | 6,893,000 | 5993 People |
| 4 | Maine | 200 | 1,345,000 | 6725 People |
| 5 | Connecticut | 450 | 3,565,000 | 7922 People |
| 6 | Vermont | 50 | 643,000 | 12860 People |
Harsh Winters
| Rank | State | Average Low Temp | Average Snowfall |
| 1 | Vermont | -2.5°F | 70-120 inches |
| 2 | Maine | 10°F | 60-110 inches |
| 3 | New Hampshire | 16°F | 60-100 inches |
| 4 | Massachusetts | 25°F | 40-60 inches |
| 5 | Connecticut | 27.5°F | 30-50 inches |
| 6 | Rhode Island | 32.5°F | 20-40 inches |
State Identity
All right this next one is totally arbitrary seemingly. What I did was ask my 15 year old son who considers himself more of a New Englander than I do (having lived a 3rd of his life here) to name the first three things he associated with each state. The longer it took him to name things, the weaker I consider their identity to be.
| Rank | State | First Three Things | How Long it took (seconds)
|
| 6 | Connecticut | Uhhhh....not New York but kind of? The River, WWE | 30 |
| 5 | Rhode Island | Family Guy, Small, M*ssholes | 25 |
| 4 | Vermont | Green Mountain Boys, Pine Trees, Hippies | 21 |
| 3 | Maine | Sewer Clowns, Canada basically, empty | 20 |
| 2 | New Hampshire | Mount Washington, Those Midnight Voters, Live Free Or Die | 12 |
| 1 | Massachusetts | Sports, Kennedy, M*ssholes | 9 |
Adding It Up
So based on this incredibly scientific research that I will remind you required me to get the help of my 15 year old son the states that are the MOST New England Are in the following order....
1. New Hampshire
Bad winters, colleges, Dunkies, and guns—New Hampshire has it all!
| Category | Ranking |
| Colleges | 2nd |
| Dunkies | 2nd |
| Winters | 3rd |
| Identity | 2nd |
2. Massachusetts
Professional caliber sports teams, Harvard, MIT, and The Patriots—Massachusetts truly is the state I live in!
| Category | Ranking |
| Colleges | 3rd |
| Dunkies | 3rd |
| Winters | 4th |
| Identity | 1st |
3. Vermont
Hippies, granola, and also (weirdly) guns—Vermont is more than just Newhart (RIP) and ugly sweaters!
| Category | Ranking |
| Colleges | 1st |
| Dunkies | 6th |
| Winters | 1st |
| Identity | 4th |
4. Maine
Spooky stories, vacation islands, and the better Portland—Maine is King! (Seriously, how is that not your slogan?). My apologies for forgetting about you!
| Category | Ranking |
| Colleges | 4th |
| Dunkies | 4th |
| Winters | 2nd |
| Identity | 3rd |
5. Rhode Island
Like a blue-ringed octopus, you're small, kind of pretty, and not to be messed with—Rhode Island, you exist!
| Category | Ranking |
| Colleges | 6th |
| Dunkies | 1st |
| Winters | 6th |
| Identity | 5th |
6. Connecticut
The slogan of Connecticut is: "Qui Transtulit Sustinet," (He Who Transplanted Still Sustains)" In other words "MOVE BEFORE YOU DIE!" You have great college teams but I wonder what they are really mean when they shout "LET'S GO!!!"
(TO NEW YORK OR MASSACHUSETTS!)
| Category | Ranking |
| Colleges | 5th |
| Dunkies | 5th |
| Winters | 5th |
| Identity | 6th |
So That's It!
Connecticut is the least New England of the New England states. I'm sure they would be offended by that if they weren't also mostly people who grew up in or work in New York City.
