Amanda is moving in with her boyfriend and when they were moving he found her “boyfriend box” of old mementos from past relationships. He got super jealous and ended up revealing that his sweatshirt that she wears all the time actually belonged to his ex-girlfriend and she never knew it. Now she’s angry at him about the sweatshirt, but he thinks she’s a hypocrite. Is having a “boyfriend box” that big of a deal? Is letting her wear his ex-girlfriend’s sweatshirt without realizing it a bigger offense? Or are they both making a whole lot out of nothing?
Ayla Brown: And good morning. Amanda, why don’t you tell us what is in your boyfriend box?
Amanda: I would say it’s more geared towards like romantic relationships that you had in the past That’s what is in mine. So it’s things that you don’t need to have out from the relationship, but you don’t want to throw away.
Ayla Brown: Of course. And I think when you remember your first boyfriend and the handwritten note that he passed you in high school, it’s like, I never want to throw this away. So you keep it. And then at some point, I guess in your case, who found your boyfriend box?
Amanda: My boyfriend. My current boyfriend found it. We just moved in together. We’ve been together for a little over two years, so it’s been coming for a little bit. He helped me move my stuff. I had a lot of shoes, a lot of boxes. But we when we were moving, I handed him a box and it said boyfriend box on it.
Ayla Brown: Did you know you were handing him that specific box, Amanda?
Amanda: Yes and no. I wasn’t thinking about it because I’ve had that box in the back of my closet for years. So it’s not something I had thought about, like, oh, let me keep this from him, you know? But it said boyfriend box. It Didn’t say kitchen or bath or whatever. It said boyfriend box. I handed it to him and he asked what it was, and I just told him what it was. I literally just said it’s a box of mementos of sentimental things from boyfriends past. I made it seem very, nonchalant. Okay.
Ayla Brown: How did he react?
Amanda: He got really, really jealous. Like severe. I’ve never experienced this. He couldn’t believe that I would not only have it, but that I would bring it into our new home. And I honestly, it was kind of irrational. I kept telling him there’s nothing to worry about. Like, this is all when I was younger. It’s not like it’s from three years ago. It’s from high school. Okay. I was trying to calm him down.
Ayla Brown: And then what happened?
Amanda: He tries to one up the situation. He’s says well, if it’s not a big deal, you know your favorite sweatshirt of mine? Yeah, it’s not actually from college. It’s my ex- girlfriend’s. But I never threw it out.
Ayla Brown: That’s not cool, either. Wait, so you were sleeping in his ex-girlfriend’s sweatshirt that you thought was his?
Amanda: Oh, multiple times a week. And this is, like, my actual favorite sweatshirt, And he tried to one up the situation, and it turns out he was keeping an actual secret from me. You see me wear this almost every day. Every night. But you never see the boyfriend box. The boyfriend box just doesn’t affect your life. This is like my life.
Ayla Brown: I’m literally speechless because it seems like the same problem, But it might actually be a little different because you make a good point that yours was just in a closet. Are you planning to bring it still to the new place? Are you second guessing the entire relationship? Where are you at right now?
Amanda: Well, I guess I don’t really know. I need validation that I’m not the crazy one here, truthfully, because I’m so I’m so confused. Nothing makes sense. It seems like he actively kept a secret from me, you know?