Malcolm’s dog is insistent on being in the bed with them at all times, even when he and his wife are being intimate. What’s worse is that his wife doesn’t seem to have a problem with the dog in the bed. But Malcolm can’t set the mood he’s looking for because the dog won’t let him. Would you let the dog in the bed with you? Even when you’re having a special moment?
Jonathan: Today for panic button, we have Malcolm. So you’ve got a bit of a problem, Malcolm, involving your wife and your dog. What’s happening?
Malcolm: It’s not just a little bit of a problem. It’s a big problem. Now, look, a couple of years ago, my wife wanted a dog. I let her get a dog.
Jonathan: Sure.
Malcolm: A small, beautiful puppy. I love the dog, too. Fast forward. The dog is gigantic. It’s grown.
Jonathan: What kind of dog is it?
Malcolm: It’s a husky. And my wife insists that the dogs stay in our room at night. When it was small. no big deal. Yeah. Fast forward. The dog is mammoth now, right? He still insists on staying in the room. And what she’s not realizing is it makes it hard for me to want to be intimate with her. Like I want to get busy, but I’m not busy with the dog looking at me. I don’t need a husky looking at me and possibly judging my performance. I don’t need, I don’t need that level of judgement in the bedroom.
Jonathan: Also, huskies are known for being very vocal too.
Malcolm: Right. The only person that I want moaning is her.
Jonathan: Damn right. Yeah. You don’t know whether it’s her or the dog. I’ve actually had that happen. Our dog often sleeps in our room over in the corner. And I’ll wake up thinking my wife is snoring like crazy and it’s the dog. And sometimes I wake up thinking its the dog snoring. It’s my wife. So you have told her, hey, I don’t want the dog watching us doing this, and she just doesn’t care.
Malcolm: Well, let me be honest. I try to micro-aggression my way into it. I try to be mean about it. I’ve given up some hints. Let’s have some time without the dog. I don’t want an audience.
Jonathan: So if she doesn’t want you to get rid of or kick the dog out. Are you guys ever able to be intimate, then?
Malcolm: Yeah. In the middle of the day when the dog is downstairs.
Jonathan: Right
Malcolm: But at night, you know.
Jonathan: When it’s more comfortable.
Malcolm: To me. Yeah. Night time is the right time, right? It doesn’t work. That gigantic dog sitting there. Moans and groans while I’m doing something with my wife. Just go in the other rooms. Try to get yourself a room.
Jonathan: Do you just want to find the right words to tell her this?
Malcolm: I want to gently tell my wife. I love our dog. Simon. But when it’s time to be intimate, I prefer Simon not be in the room.
Jonathan: But you’ve told her this, and she’s like. But the dog needs to stay, too. We want to stay here.
Malcolm: Obviously. He’s a dog. He doesn’t know what’s going on.
Jonathan: Oh, I’ve heard that before. The dogs know what’s going on.
Malcolm: He knows what’s going on.
Jonathan: Yeah, exactly. I mean, I’ve known people who’ve had the dog in the bedroom, and then the dog starts mimicking them, and it’s super weird for them. I’m not speaking from personal experience. I’m speaking from some other person’s personal experience. I’m speaking of Jim’s experience
