Ella was shopping at the supermarket with her husband when she was mistaken for a man by a stranger. She was very upset, and later when she mentioned it to her husband, she was horrified when her husband agreed that she looks like a man. He said that the way she dresses and walks and her lack of make-up makes it possible that someone could mistake her for a man. Ella was devastated that her husband felt this way and is now worried that he’s not attracted to her anymore? What would you do if your husband agreed with someone that you look like a man?
Jonathan: For panic button, we have Ella. So you have a very emotional issue. I know when Ayla and I were talking about this before, she felt very sad.
Ayla: Yeah. I’m excited to talk to you about what happened.
Jonathan: So what happened there at the supermarket?
Ella: So I was at the grocery store recently with my husband, and we’re doing some shopping. And I went to reach for some stuff on the shelf. This guy bumps into me and he said, I’m sorry, sir. And then I turned around and he said, oh, I’m so sorry. I thought you were a man.
Ayla: Oh. Oh, no. Okay.
Ella: I felt really offended by that. But, you know, I didn’t say anything while we were still at the grocery store. I didn’t say anything to my husband. But afterward, when we were done, after we had left, I said to him, hey, can you believe that? This guy thought that I was a guy?
Ayla: Right
Ella: My husband said yeah, that he could see that someone thought that I was a guy. My husband said that, you know, because I have short hair that I kind of look like a guy. How I dress. And I kind of walk like a guy.
Ayla: Your husband said this to you?
Ella: Yeah, he did. And I was crying. And I was like, what do you mean? My husband said that I could dress more feminine and look more feminine.
Ayla: Earlier in your marriage did you dress differently?
Ella: Yeah. Especially lately, in the past few years I’ve been working from home, so I dress however I feel comfortable. and I don’t really have the time.
Ayla: You’re describing my life right now.
Jonathan: I was going to say.
Ayla: Yeah. Is this my story or yours? It sounds like that’s why I emotionally connect with you. With everything you’re saying right now. Because I definitely also dress very casually, aka like a tomboy. And I always kind of have. And the whole makeup thing is always still foreign to me.
Ella: Right?
Ayla: And it’s not cool that someone would be like, excuse me, sir, and then your husband not be like, I still think you’re the most beautiful thing to me like that. That really breaks my heart.
Jonathan: Well, okay. I’m not taking the husband’s side necessarily. But if Ella, your husband has had this issue, wouldn’t you want him to tell you?
Ayla: What’s the issue?
Jonathan: Maybe that he’s not as attracted to how you present yourself.
Ella: Well, if this was an issue, it never came up until there. That happened in the grocery store.
Ayla: But now it has.
Jonathan: It opened the floodgates.
Ella: Right out of nowhere for me.
Jonathan: All right. So are you worried that this means your husband’s not attracted to you anymore.
Ella: Yeah, I am, and he never told me. If he told me I would have taken that into consideration. And, you know, I still have my older clothes in my wardrobe. They’re still there.
Ayla: Honey, you don’t need to do that for him. You don’t need to do that for him.
