Country Mornings with Jonathan & Ayla

Country Mornings with Jonathan & Ayla

Country Mornings with Jonathan & Ayla

MONTE-CARLO, MONACO - MAY 26: Max Verstappen of Netherlands and Red Bull Racing rides a jet ski in Monaco harbour during previews to the Monaco Formula One Grand Prix at Circuit de Monaco on May 26, 2017 in Monte-Carlo, Monaco. (Photo by Mark Thompson/Getty Images)

So Many Stupid Names

Who comes up with the names for things? Like who looked at a big fat animal on four legs with a giant pink bag underneath its torso and went “Oh that’s a cow!” I know you can look up the etymological origins for these things, but at some point everyone around the person had to accept that it was a good name. Someone looked at a black speck zooming around their heads and went “FLY!” and everyone went “Yep that’s what we’ll call THAT from now on. Good job Gary.” Why do we put up with these stupid names?

Well I’m not the only one who thought that. Recently there was a thread on the website Reddit where users submitted their ideas for better names for things. I’m just going to highlight some of the better ones and leave off the worst ones…well maybe.

And for those of you who are language conservatives. People who are perfectly fine with calling a butterfly a “butterfly” instead of the much better name “flutterby”. I say to you, how do you think language works? If we maintained the same langauge throughout our lives we would still be grunting and pointing angrily with big gnarled clubs like cavemen. Worse we might be speaking Latin!

So I’m committing to this. These things have stupid names and we need to change them. From now on I won’t call it a Jet-Ski I’ll call it a “Boatercycle”.


  • 1. A Better Name For Instant Potatoes

    “My sister calls instant mashed potatoes fauxtatoes.”
    Another idea would be calling any Vegan Bacon “Facon”.

    A bowl of delicious mashed potatoes with melted butter.

  • 2. Jet Ski

    u/KYbywayofNY has a great name for Jet Skis:
    “Jet ski. Dumb name. Obviously it is a Boatercycle.”
    Alternative name could also be a “Wooter” Like a scooter that goes in the water?
    Jet Ski

    (Photo by Mark Thompson/Getty Images)

  • 3. A Better Name For Contractions

    “I keep seeing people say that contractions should be birthquakes.”

    Richter Scale for Earthquakes

  • 4. Hemorrhoids

    According to u/UncleDuude

    “Hemorrhoids should be asteroids”
    Also for that matter what’s the difference between an Asteroid and a Meteroid? And I know I could google it but I don’t wanna.


    (Photo Courtesy of NASA/Newsmakers)

  • 5. Red Onions

    u/GWofJ94 has more of a nit to pick and less a clever name suggestion:
    “A red onion is quite clearly a purple onion.”

    YES! And why are green grapes called “white grapes”?

    Red Onions

  • 6. A Group Of Squid

    U/xdark_realityx wrote:

    “Why is a group of squid called a shoal when it should be called a squad?”¬†That’s a great point! And did you know a group of crows is called a “murder” and a group of criminals is called “The Raiders”?


    (Photo by David McNew/Getty Images)

  • 7. A better name for Dentures

    suggested: “Dentures. Should be Substitooths.”
    For that matter does it bother anyone else that some of your teeth are called “canines?” Just me? Ok.


  • 8. Head and Shoulders...

    Head Shoulders

    (Photo by Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images for head&shoulders)

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