Funerals are always a very difficult time, but it’s even harder when you have to write a speech for the funeral.
Recently I attended a funeral for my husband’s grandfather, Frank Robert Bellamy Jr. He was a wonderful and quiet man who lived in Riverside, RI. He passed away at the age of 89, leaving behind his devoted wife of 68 years. The last time I saw “Gramp” in person was when we brought our son, Barrett, to visit. Barrett was only a few months old, but Gramp loved holding him for a moment and laughing at him in his recliner chair.
This is my husband, Rob Bellamy. I snapped this picture of them at a family wedding that we all attended. It was one of the last pictures my husband had with his Grandfather. Gramp was married to his wife for 68 years.
My father-in-law, Bob Bellamy is one of four children, and he was the sibling that was chosen to get up and make a speech at the funeral home. I was in attendance for the speech and I was so impressed by my father-in-law for so many reasons.
His funeral speech had it all. (Also known as a eulogy). It was informative. We learned small stories about the deceased. The speech had one moment out outburst laugher from everyone in attendance. There was also one part in the speech that made Bob, and everyone else in the seats, cry.
I left that funeral being really blown away by my father-in-law. His poise and comfort were impressive and I was touched by his sadness as well. I turned to my husband when he left the podium and said, “That was one of the best speeches I’ve ever heard.”
Why Was This Funeral Speech Special?
So what makes a great speech a great speech? I sat there for a while and thought about that. Why did my father-in-law deliver such an incredible eulogy? I think there are many reasons. But I believe it may be helpful to others to write down why I thought it was so moving.
I hope none of us are put in a situation where we have to deliver a eulogy. They’re hard, and emotional. But if you are someday, here are some helpful hints to help get you through your funeral speech.
1. Introduce Yourself
I know it sounds simple, but always introduce yourself to the audience first and thank them for coming. Tell them your name, and how you are related to the deceased. An easy way to do this is to just say something like, “Good Afternoon, my name is _____. Then continue with telling the audience how you were the one chosen to deliver the eulogy.
This is step one of delivering a perfect eulogy. Tell the attendees who you are. Thank them for coming.
2. Describe Who The Deceased Was
The next part of the speech should describe the person who has passed away. Maybe what their occupation was, what they loved to do, their hobbies, and a couple of quick stories.
A random example would be something like this:
“Brenda was a 4th grade teacher and she always had a passion for teaching. She would always come home and tell us about the smiles that her students brought to her faces every day. There was this one time when Billy brought her an apple with a note saying ‘Miss Brenda, you are the best teacher in the world!’ and she remembered that gesture until the time that she passed.”
What did the deceased do for a living? Tell a story about him or her. In this example the deceased was a teacher.
3. Achievements And Love Story
Did the deceased have any particular achievements worth noting? Did they win the state spelling bee contest in elementary school? Maybe they volunteered at the pet shelter on the weekends. This would also be a good time to talk about their spouse (if they had one). Share another personal story about the love that the deceased shared with his or her spouse.
This is my husband, Rob Bellamy. I snapped this picture of them at a family wedding that we all attended.
4. Find The Sweet Spot With The Length
If your speech is too short people may feel like there wasn’t enough thought put into your speech. If it’s too long, people may be restless sitting in the seats. Obviously, at the end of the day, it’s your eulogy and whatever comes out will be great and from the heart. Some people say 3-5 minutes maximum. But I actually think that’s too short. I would aim for a 7-8 minute speech.
When doing your speech, keep in mind the amount of time you’re up there. Don’t make it too short but don’t make it too long. I think a 7 minute speech is the perfect amount of time, if it’s filled with personal anecdotes.
5. Make Notes
Emotions are high when you are attending a funeral. It’s suggested to always prepare for a speech by writing the entire speech down first and reading it off a piece of paper. At least I would suggest writing bullet points down and practicing the speech a number of times privately before delivering it to a crowd of people. This way, you will feel prepared, especially during an emotional day.
This is not a situation where you should “Wing it.” Always take notes, or even write out the entire speech before delivering it. That way you won’t forget any important details, and you can stay on track with time.
6. End On A Sweet Note
Did the deceased have a favorite song or quote or motto that they lived by? This would be the perfect place to put that. In my father-in-law’s speech this is how he ended it, and I really think he knocked it out of the park:
As we were leaving the room at the hospital after my dad had passed my mother had a hard time leaving because
she didn’t want him to be alone. I tried to explain to her that only his body was still there, but his spirit had already left. She said to me that he wasn’t very religious. I then told her that he was in for a big surprise when he arrives. When I think back to my childhood, I thought he was a little religious because he was always using the phrases JESUS CHRIST, GOD DAMN IT, and FOR CHRIST SAKE.That one anecdote made everyone in the room laugh. It was a great way to end a speech and left people with a great memory and smiles on their faces.
If the deceased has a favorite quote, motto or song that really spoke to them, add it here. It can be emotional, or funny. In my father-in-law’s case, he ended on a funny note and we all appreciated it!
