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“All I Want For Christmas Is You” is a humongous, monstrous, holiday song. I get it. But Mariah Carey is not Mrs. Claus! So why is it that Mariah is closing the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade alongside Santa Claus himself?!?

I, unlike many, don’t even hate the song. I like hearing it a couple times during the holiday season. What I haven’t loved over the years is Mariah Carey positioning herself as the authority on all things Christmas – just because she wrote that one song. Don’t get me wrong, I do love me some Mariah. I love “Fantasy”and “Always Be My Baby” and “Heartbreaker.” She was actually one of my first crushes – in that black onesie while singing out the window in the music video for “Vision of Love,” but she is not the Christmas Spirit.

I remember a story from an old radio station I worked at where Mariah wouldn’t walk on any ground to make an appearance unless it had a red carpet rolled out on it. She famously had a gaggle of assistants – one of whom’s job was to simply hold Mariah’s drink while she sipped through a straw – I’m guessing she wasn’t the most pleasant to all of them. And that’s the (self-proclaimed) “Queen of Christmas?!” Gag.

I bet she thinks she’s a bigger, more deserving star, than even Santa Claus! She probably wants to bump the big man off his own sleigh so she doesn’t have to share that spotlight.

OK… maybe I’m doing a little too much assuming – but – Christmas is about giving and being great to one another. It’s about tradition and family. It’s definitely not about Mariah Carey… at least to me. Bah humbug.