I’m Leaving My Husband Because Of His Farts!
This relationship stinks!
In an uproarious Reddit post, user throwawayfartwife shared the bizarre and amusing reason behind her decision to divorce her husband: his relentless and unbearably smelly farts. This story has since gone viral, capturing the attention and laughter of thousands of readers.
It begins innocent enough where she says she and her husband didn’t spend too much time together before they were married, but once they got married the horror started.
“Once we got married, things went downhill very quickly. He started inhailing as many snacks and as much dairy as possible at night. Sometimes he would go out and get a deep dish, fried cheese, loaded pizza and devour it at 11 PM after eating an entire bag of greasy chips and like 27 pieces of taffy. And a glass of milk. Or 3.
At first I thought it was just a bad fart here and there. But as the nights progressed, I realized that the bad farts were becoming a nightly nightmare.
I know what normal stinky farts are. Even bad sulfuric farts. But, these are not simply either of those. These farts are incompatible with life itself.
The first time one really hit me in the face, I projectile vomited. I could taste them. They were are almost tangible objects in the air. I’m convinced they are soaked into the carpet and walls. Rotten egg is not even enough to describe what the smell is. It’s almost as if something literally died inside of his stomach and was leaking into the air trying to kill anyone that smells it.”
Get out!
So she tried to deal with it the only way she could. By getting out of the room and sleeping in her daughters bedroom. “It got to the point where I had to stop sleeping in our bedroom the second month of marriage. Not only that, but I had to blast the AC, stuff towels under our door, stuff towels under my daughter’s door, turn the fan on in both rooms, and sleep in her room with her. He snuck into her room and farted when I was almost asleep so that I would start dry heaving. I had to start sleeping with the door locked with her.”
Confronting it head on
She says she tried her best to get it to stop, but he had other ideas. “I tried desperately to get him to go to a doctor, I found referrals to gastroenterologists, I bought him probiotics enzymes, milk substitutes, I cooked healthy meals, he would literally tell me he didn’t want the healthy meal and drive himself to Taco Bell instead. He refused to go to the doctor. He took the probiotic sometimes but usually just pretended to and slipped them by his nightstand so I wouldn’t see that he didn’t take them.”
She says she even suggested he go to a psychiatrist. “
I tried to get him into therapy and a psychiatrist, but no. I am a very body positive person that does not fat shame and genuinely believes that you should eat what makes you feel healthy and good and not worry about hitting some numbers on a scale. The situation, however, feels like a very disastrous issue that is very weird and not very common, something that people probably can’t relate to because it’s just completely absurd in every way. He said he will always choose that vibrational fart feeling and the fart smell and the grease snacks and the cheese above me. He said that is a hill he is forever willing to die on.”
So in the end she said she was going to have to leave him. And while this story is hilarious, it’s also tragic (which honestly makes it a little funnier). That a man would rather sacrifice his marriage, his family and god knows his digestive tract, just because he loves being a disgusting pig and hates being told what to do.
